monthly post: june
Spent most of this month trying to figure out how to create routines in which I can rest and work freely. I’m lucky to be able to work on things I am passionate about, but it also means there can be times I can’t separate my work from my life, it bleeds into every moment. Especially in ambiguity, where I can’t feel a sense of trajectory, it can be overwhelming to the point that the physical reaction I have to it will be to silence the anxiety of it all by throwing things on it, and we are all lucky to live in times in which our shed is filled with tools to do just that.
I am trying to form habits, not to make the experience of work monotone, but so I can create spaces where I don’t have to be riddled with anxieties, so that I can act and think in freedom. I remember a quote by Kurosawa, he talks about how writing needs to be a habit and one needs to learn how not to stop until they find some sort of end. Sitting with the uncomfortability of making anything which has meaning. Lynda Barry talks a lot about it as well, for her having certain techniques, not to rely completely on them for making things, but to use structure of them as a jumping board is integral. She also suggests keeping your hand moving, creating a space where you can rest, but not departing completely when stuck in writing or drawing. I keep a notepad or my tablet always under my hand when working because of this and it’s working for me. I also like that sometimes the scribbles evolve into whole things.
Besides these, I had a really nice month, did plenty of fun stuff with friends, went to riso and lino clubs quite often. Watched a lot of movies. Went strawberry picking, cooked a meze dinner for friends and had raki together, made zines while hanging out. It honestly feels like I am settled, growing roots where I am, which feels different since before this year I moved countries 3 times in 4 years.
Next month I am also looking forward to a lot of things. Going to Develop: Brighton, excited to see some friends again there. Also visiting Games Transformed in London. I want to organize some workshops soon in York to find/form more alternative games related spaces. I’m thinking tiny tool workshops + minijams, ttrpg book clubs or outdoor game days. Hit me up if any of these sound interesting and you would like to organize together.
projects
I started a few new projects this month. First is the second project of my PhD, so I have been thinking a lot about the general narrative and structure of my dissertation. I’m not ready to speak about this project but I’m very excited about it. The first one was about how to help players form their own personal play-practices through bringing the rules and parameters of games to surface, it is likely more than a year away from being published, but I will be talking about it for the first time at York St. Johns Interactive Games Postgraduate Conference next month (hmu if you would like to come see that, tickets should be free, there will be more talks about games research). This second project is very similar in what it is about, but feels a lot more mature in both theory and practice, and it follows a strain from the first one to develop it further. I made a game for my first project but it’s a bit too prototype-y, hope to polish and publish it some time in the next few months.
The second project is about a walking game I play sometimes in busy places. I call it Eavesdrop Poetry and the basic idea is to walk around with your notes app open, listening and recording the small bits you hear from passerbys into a poem. I turned this into a zine and it’s available online through this link. I’ve also been thinking about making this into a browser game. It feels interesting to turn a folk game like this into a digital form, it brings up some questions about how to create a sort of aliveness you might find in the streets. Also the part I enjoy about playing this game in real life is that it puts me in a hyperfocused state listening to every sound, like a form of meditation, would it be possible to create that digitally? Anyway, I’m not exactly sure if I will make this, but nice seeds to plant nonetheless.
stuff i liked
Good month for Nourishment.
movies
- The Holy Mountain (1973): Strange, beautiful, confusing, silly and majestic. It leaves so much to interpretation, wants you to do the active work of making meaning, but it is done through a visually stunning biblical myth so doing that work is a lot of fun. Loved it.
- Penda’s Fen (1975): I’ve been meaning to watch this since I saw quotes of it in Cecile Richard’s Evil Era. What can I say, you gotta cherish your sacred demon of ungovernableness.
- Blue Velvet (1986): Stunning movie, watched this in the cinema and got completely possessed by it.
- Ghost Dog (1999): Immaculate vibes, love how slow it is. Watched it in Zone.
- The Beaches of Agnes (2008): Love Agnes Varda, and this one is just her speaking plainly about how full life is if you give it the attention it deserves. I watched this also while reading The Years by Annie Ernaux and felt deep in the French Lady Thinks About Time and Memory.
games
- Despelote (2-3 hours): A slice of life story set in Ecuador 2001, through the POV of a boy and the national story of World Cup qualifications. It was very sweet and personal.
- Serpentes: This is like snake, but what if each time you ate a fruit, something changed about the game. Scratches the brain in a nice way.
- Dogman95 (Browser, 5-10 minutes): ComputerJames knows how to do it.
- 3D Workers Island: This simulates the feeling of being 11 years old and reading creepy conspiracy theories on the internet really well.
- Snakisms: Big Ideas Big Snake
books
This month I was doing literature review for the second phd project so did not feel like reading much when I was not working. I read some short stories by Clarice Lispector and Oğuz Atay, which were both great in very different ways. Reading more short stories these days because it’s helping me think about structure of stories. This one by Lispector is great.