today i offer you
- ways of being
- I like solving problems, not puzzles
- reclaiming my writing
- make and break club: thoughts after pilot session
- monthly post: july
- monthly post: june
- 2024, a year of all time
books i am reading:
- perdido street station, the wildsea, keys to play: music as a ludic medium from apollo to nintendo
games i have been enjoying:
- wilmot works it out, slay the spire 2, arcs
my latest post:
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ways of being
I read a book recently, it talked about how scores in games give us motivation to experience new ways of being, while in real life metrics can suck the humanity out of things. It was a good book, I’m not as optimistic about games however. The book talks about much more, but I want to talk about something else.
What is a way of being? I am being all the time. I am being as I write this. My hands are on the keyboard, I am looking at the screen, I am trying to pull words from a place I can’t see. Lynda Barry talks about this. They talk about making things, making art, as a way of being. Sitting with this thing inside of you, which you can sense is there, but can not touch, giving it a material way to come out. It’s sometimes uncomfortable this way of being. You have to sit with a void. A void is sometimes scary. You have to sit with not knowing what’s going to come out of your fingertips. It could be a doodle of a dog. It could be something that makes you cry (maybe that’s doodle of a dog).
I have grown fond of not knowing what I am writing, what I am drawing. It’s fun. Surrealists had some ideas about it. Giving material places where your subconscious can take over. Structure does that to you. Have you ever seen a person show their repressed parts when they are playing a game? Deeply engrossed by the engineered desires of a game structure, your consciousness might not have enough time to stop you. It’s okay, you can get a little bit mad or competitive, I also hope you have time to think about it.
Maria Lugones talks about playfulness and love. She sees playfulness as a way of traversing worlds. Accepting new rules, new ways of being. People who stick to their rules so naturally scare me a bit. I’m sure they have their reasons, it’s nice to feel like things make sense. But then again, there is not much room for curiosity if you’re so attached to your rules.
It’s maybe about finding the balance. When rules are changing all the time, it feels like the ground is moving beneath your feet. But then again if things didn’t move we wouldn’t have cool things like surfing. Understanding how a change is happening, and finding harmony with it.
I have grown very fond of change in things. I think I have always been a bit like this but life definitely nourished it too. I have lived in 4 different countries, 6 different cities. Different places have different rules, different places have different people, with different rules. I still feel like an anthropologist when I go to a pub and watch geezers bantering with each other.
Playfulness and a non-attachment to rules can open up beautiful things to you. I like difference. In difference I see what I want, I see what scares me too (sometimes they are the same thing). But if your attachment to a non-attachment of stability becomes a stable thing on its own you might find it difficult to make anything meaningful to anyone.
Making a thing is not just exploring different rules, different ways of doing things, different ways of being. Making a thing is not just playing. Making a thing sometimes needs you to sit down and be serious about the thing. Is there something you want to see in the world? Is there something you want to hear? (Gillian Welch told me you can sing it yourself). There is a game called fuzz dungeon, it’s a good game (search for it). It tells that before any idea can be a material thing in the world, it needs to first go through this fuzz dungeon. Being in the fuzz dungeon requires a certain way of being too.
We are all very romantic about play. I’m glad, there are a lot of forces that makes it very difficult to be playful and/or play. Exploration is beautiful, but without intention we risk becoming lost. Intention without exploration however, is scarier. Imagine finding who you are when you are 14 and deciding never to change. Happens to many people. Scary stuff.
Not sure how to end this. I guess this is more speaking to myself than you. Hope you enjoyed it anyway. Hope you find ways of being that can deal with all this mess.